that's the way it was

while a chauffeur, i had the luxury of listening to satellite radio (when the bag lady wasn't in the car). and even though i had every type of music at my fingertips, i spent a lot of time on the 50s station.

i love - love love love - bubblegum pop.

now, i understand that it was a different time. i know that most songs were about being the perfect girl to get the perfect boy and all that. but then there are songs that even in the context of the 1950s seem completely apeshit crazy.

like lesley gore's hit 'that's the way boys are.'

i had never heard it before and sang along heartily, and then i paid attention to the lyrics. and i froze. froze behind the wheel. jaw agape. shocked. i mean...wtf?

When I'm with my guy and he watches all the pretty girls go by...
Well I feel so hurt deep inside, I wish that I could die!
Not a word do I say...
I just look the other way!
'Cause that's the way boys are!
That's the way boys are!

When he treats me rough and he acts as though he doesn't really care...
Well, I never tell him that he is so unfair!
Plus, he loves me and I know it...
But he's just afraid to show it!
'Cause that's the way boys are!
That's the way boys are!

Oh, when he wants to be alone...
I just let him be!
'Cause I know that soon enough...
He will come back to me!

When we have a fight,
I think that I won't see him anymore!
Then before I know it - there he is...
Standin' at my door!
Well I let him kiss me then...
'Cause I know he wants me back again!
That's the way boys are!
Yes, that's the way boys are!

Oh, I love him!
Well now, that's the way boys are!
I said that's the way boys are!

thank god for the second wave. seriously, thank god.

(just found out lesley gore is a lesbian. interesting.)

we begin

soooooo, let's start at the beginning - or a bit later than that. a year ago, january of 2009 i was laid off with many others from a career in accounting. that ain't my background at all. i have an undergraduate degree in the performing arts (because i thought ahead) and somehow with all my temp jobs over the years i acquired the experience that equalled a degree in accounting. so that's that. but then i was screwed anyway and laid off. and it was the happiest day of my life.

i actually liked my job, which scared the hell out of me. i liked where i worked and who i worked with and knew that if not pushed i could end up staying there for ten years or so and then miss out on what i really want to do with my life, which is __________.

but then one morning i walked in and discovered that i was not invited to a meeting already underway and knew right then and there that the moment had come. i sat at my desk and deleted all my personal emails from the year past and bet a coworker that i'd be laid off that day (i won and she still owes me 20 bucks) and then my boss leaned in my door, tear stained face, and asked me to come with her. we sat in a small conference room and she told me she was sorry and that it was horrible that they had to do this, blah blah blah. and i know she meant it, but at that moment my heart sang. i walked out with my box packed, orchid sticking out the top, and thrilled beyond belief.

and then i began the fun life of freelance work/taking any job that came along, not working sometimes, applying and hearing nothing whatsoever, and saying i'd work for $300 to do a four month project because i needed the experience and then realizing that it was all a crock. - it does fit my life to some extent. in my twenties i had 22 jobs and moved 14 times. commitment isn't one of my strengths.

so here i am. starting a new year (a month late) with a plan to keep track of all the many jobs and interviews and applications that come my way.