taking control

a couple weeks ago i got a file cabinet and a bookshelf, both in an attempt to better organize. i pulled everything out of drawers and off of shelves. i made piles of what to throw away, what to give away, and what to keep. i set out to organize the hell out of this place.

...and then i got sick. and i'm never sick. but when i am, the daily upkeep of my home goes downhill and fast. so now i'm living in the midst of the general disorder that arose as a result of my recent illness and on top of that i still have all these piles of crap everywhere (that no longer resemble neat piles since i've gone through them in search of lost items). the only thing keeping me from appearing on 'hoarders' is that there are no singed, dead cats hidden behind the sofa and the mess has not yet seeped into the surrounding yard.

and all this, obviously, made me remember a sad time in my life and a pbs telethon.

in north carolina i had only three channels so i watched many, many programs i otherwise would not have - the nanny, children's craft-making shows (i learned how to make homemade ornaments), infomercials, and pbs telethons. - if anyone has ever witnessed a pbs telethon, one knows that they go on for about eighteen months and replay the same specials over and over and over again and i watched it all - everything from an old john denver concert to some 60s band reunion, to wayne dyer, to suze orman. and i saw each of them about 2,334,563,453 times.

***side note: to explain why i insisted on watching television instead of doing anything (anything!) else, is really way too difficult to go into here.***

but i got home late last night and stepped over piles of books and sweaters on my bedroom floor and i knew that i had to do something. i thought of suze orman and 'the 8 qualities of a wealthy woman' she spoke of and remembered the one that one currently applies to me:

Cleanliness

Removing clutter and chaos from our lives brings clarity, which makes it easier to achieve what we want. From emptying closets of unused stuff to streamlining your wallet, cleanliness is a sign that you're in control.

makes sense. and i completely agree. i believe in the whole 'a place for everything and everything in its place,' but now it seems like such a huge undertaking that i would rather just watch tv (sad, but true). oh, and it's not lost on me that this is an issue i face in many aspects of my life - that i'm just too exhausted and overwhelmed to take control and get things done and would rather neglect it all and go on complaining about how things aren't as they should be.

so i've decided to attempt this whole control thing. to step up to the plate. to take hold of the wheel. to grab a bull by the horns. and to clean...to clean like the wind.

i can see clearly now the rain is gone

and by 'rain,' i mean snow. and by 'is gone,' i mean that it's still here and ain't goin away.

actually, this (brilliant) analogy refers to my health. few coughs linger from post nasal drip, but other than that i am the picture of health - picture not included.

muriel mariel muriel

still on the sofa, feeling sorry for myself. the cold has lessened and am much better, but the aches linger. coughing. sinuses. exhaustion.

but then the angels of valentine's day blessed me (though not in the traditional sense) and i found 'muriel's wedding' on television.

ironic choice for valentine's day, especially on the 'soap' network. but alas, it is one amazingly hilarious and tragic film and it made my day.

'rhonda, before i met you, i'd just stay in my room for hours...and

listen to ABBA songs. sometimes i'd stay in there all day. but since

i've met you, and moved to sydney, i haven't listened to one ABBA

song. it's because now my life's as good as an ABBA song. it's as

good as 'dancing queen.''

nuff said.

v day

spent most of the day on the sofa watching television, blowing my nose, and slipping in and out of consciousness.

two ex-boyfriends phoned. neither mentioned the 'v' word.

have to finish writing something for work. 500 words has never seemed so unattainable in all my life.

my simple goal - get it done. return to sofa with bourbon in hand.

oh, the pain

maybe it's the kickboxing. maybe it's the cold. either way, the combo ain't good.

very difficult to think and work and be professional and forward thinking when my entire body aches with every breath.

my wooden desk chair is the devil.

going to rent movies (or television) and hibernate until i'm healthy again...or until i have to get up.