life and stress

yesterday was one of those days where nothing went right and i felt like my life was as useless and hopeless as a pile of mud.

i babysat for a friend of mine who belongs to a theatre company that i'm doing some editing for. they've asked me many times to tape their shows, but i've always declined because that ain't my game. i trust my editing skills, but i don't film stuff. seriously, on a film set, the last thing i ever do is actually touch the camera - and i've tried to express to them that even though i love film and filmmaking, i am not someone to give a camera to (to whom to give a camera). but somehow this never really hits home. (this is also the same girl who believes i prefer film to theatre because 'it isn't as much work.')

but, again, they asked me to tape and edit their last show so i finally succumbed to their disregard to my early warnings because mama needed the money.

well, yesterday, after a fun morning of babysitting for this thespian's child, she got home and asked how the editing was coming along and i said that actually, a rough cut was done, but i needed a program from her to make sure all the info was accurate, lalallaldia. and then she said,

'yeah, i definitely would love to see it a.s.a.p. and usually my notes are just, you know, something about wanting a closeup at a certain time or not.'

'wait - i didn't do any closeups.'

'when?'

'ever.'

'oh. see, that's what we usually do - have the second camera for closeups.'

'but the second camera was for the second stage.'

'hm. yeah, i guess that is confusing.'

'so, there aren't any...closeups. at all. it's just pretty much full on, full stage.'

'oh, well....i guess i'll talk to the director and see what she thinks.'

'about what.'

'about there not being closeups.'

'but the play's over, so...'

'well, i just want to let her know.'

so that made me feel like i was completely idiotic and made me want to scream and remind her that this was why i'm not given a gdvd camera.

and then i get home and get an email informing me that even though i was a 'viable candidate,' the company hiring to work with special needs children found 'a candidate better suited for the position.' and then i started reevaluating my entire life because apparently i'm a fuck up in shooting a very simple theatre production, and probably came across as a nutjob in my interview because seriously, if someone tears up in an interview, that is a sign of either passion or emotional instability - and i'm going with the latter, bob.

and then - yes, there's more - and then i got my cumulative bibliography returned from school because something was wrong with it, but i still didn't know what, and wasn't sure which MLA edition to use and that stressed me out because we were told all semester to use the 7th edition, but then the actual assignment said to use the 6th, so it's a safe bet that it just wasn't caught when they put it up on the website, but it's enough to make this little kissass completely terrified. and of course the big change in the 6th and 7th edition is how to cite a gdvd dvd, which is primarily what fills my bibliography.

so now i feel like i can't really do anything right and the hilarious thing about everything is that i'm trying to burn this effing dvd to show the theatre gals and i keep getting 'errors' and i really want to scream.

but i probably won't.

instead, i shall sit on my sofa in front of my television and watch something for two hours and recollect none of it.