annie leibovitz

i got a call from one of my temp agencies for a three day job next week. (this is through an accounting-specific temp agency.) she asked first if i was available on the required dates and, of course, if i liked dogs, which made my brain start to wonder what was going on.

then she told me about the "gig" - to take photos of a local dog food company's "day out" with customers and dog owners sampling their product.

and she ended the conversation with, "so . . . do you have a camera?"

---so many things about this confuse me:

1. what company contacts a temp agency - and an accounting-specific temp agency at that - for their photography needs?

2. did she see film on my resume and assume i know anything at all about photography? because i do not.

3. is this dog food very good?

ADDED: i just got an email from her. she said i could borrow her camera if i needed. so it looks like mama's got a photography gig next week.

what next

here's what i don't understand...what is wrong with me?

true, my career past looks like i'm either insane or on the run from the law, but i'm also well-educated and i think it kind of appears that i work hard. but then, most of my resume, or at least the only consistency in my resume, is my film work which no one knows how to place. i've explained to temp agencies that, in the film world, i usually do the accounting, but somehow that still means nothing to them.

but maybe the truth of it all is that i just suck.

in the past four months, i've sent my resume in, physically mailed in resumes and cover letters, filled out countless online databases with my information, gone to two temp agencies, and repeatedly expanded my chosen field of interest. nothing works. the only positions i've even gotten called in to interview for are commission-based insurance sales, of which i didn't even apply. i don't know if i'm over-qualified or under-qualified, too educated, or educated too much in useless subjects.

the only thing i do know is that it makes me feel like complete ass.

and like i'm an idiot.

but sunday, after watching 'to sir, with love' i decided that my true calling is to be a teacher. in the past two days, i've been lost in thought about myself changing people's lives, out of nowhere i quoted, "i'm in my prime," as close to maggie smith as i could, and i've wondered (sometimes accidentally aloud) which poems i'll use in class to best represent sonnets, haikus, etc.

i went online yesterday to apply and again, the thought crossed my mind that i'm over-educated to do absolutely nothing. it requires certification (fine), but then to get certified, i have to show teaching experience.

i graduate in about a month with a masters degree in creative writing. i have loved every moment of it, although i'm grateful to be on the verge of finishing. when i look back to four years ago when i committed myself to graduate school, i thought for a long time about getting an mba instead. it was actually a really difficult decision. and i remember finally deciding on an mfa because i thought it would make me happier.

...now i'm not so sure.

yes, i'm glad i got the education and i learned more than i thought possible and met some of the most amazing people who walk the planet...but what the hell do i do next?

results

i had my second appointment with the career counselor yesterday. he had the results of my many tests that took into account my capabilities, values, and interests and projected a list of potential careers.

he, being a psychologist, in speaking to me, added a few as well.

here is the list:

public administrator
loan officer
arts/entertainment manager
top executive, business/finance
computer & IS manager
financial manager
urban & regional planner
accountant
attorney
auditor
certified management accountant
certified public accountant
financial advisor
financial analyst
business analyst
organizational psychologist
systems analyst
high school teacher
architect
marketing analyst
professional sales/marketer
paralegal
event coordinator

it's both exciting and kind of strange to see career options that completely differ from what i've been doing with my life.

the next step is to break down these potential careers by the following:

• the basic duties and responsibilities
• the training and education needed
• earnings
• expected job prospects
• advancement opportunities 
• working conditions.

the idea of going back to school for anything at this moment in my life makes me want to vomit and cry, so that could have some influence over my decision.

on another note, i have an interview later this morning with a woman named margarita.

something new

i have no idea what i'm doing with my life.

seriously.

this afternoon, i have my second appointment with a career counselor - a quirky older man who's very kind and has given me tests to take to figure out what i really want to do. because i don't know what i want to do.

i guess, to put it simply, i'm done with film.

i want to keep writing and helping the film community, setting up workshops, and trying to get new productions up and running, but the idea of working seventeen-hour days in the cold and rain with little light or warmth - well, i just don't have it in me anymore.

every film i've worked on the in the past few years has taken months out of my life for extremely little pay (i'm terrified to even think of breaking down what i make on an hourly basis), and that isn't including the emails, phone calls, and errand requests i still receive from producers years (literally) after production ended, but i feel like if i say i can't do one of these things, it will burn some bridge and i'll never work again...

so, maybe i'll try that.

i love film. i love the process and the collaboration and the idea of sitting with a small group of people looking at a script and knowing that after two months time that sweeps by in the blink of an eye, many more people, tremendous amount of chaos, lots of tears and laughs, the film will be shot and completed and on its way to the editor. i love it. i laugh harder on a film set than anywhere else. i cry more. i love the insanity of it all.

but sometimes i don't.

my goal is to actually get a job. like a job where people go to work and have insurance and paid time off and there's never a threat of a boss walking up to you and asking you to keep working, even though he doesn't know if he'll be able to pay you, and office supplies that i don't have to keep in my car, and evenings at home, being able to make my nephew's birthday party, weddings, funerals, holidays, random tuesday dinner with my parents, read novels, and not be crazy or close to tears the majority of the time.

i wonder what will be next for me.

...i just hope it's not data entry.

the magic of movies

here's what's scheduled today:

pre-call with two actresses for hair and makeup at 9a, but the lead actress needs a 12-hr turnaround, so she can't go into makeup until 11:30a.

our makeup artist is about to have a nervous breakdown, has never worked in film, is about 50 years old with a background in print and commercial work and thought this would be a fun experience - she doesn't think that anymore. she called me last night and said she wants to just leave it behind. funny thing, we don't have enough money to offer the position to anyone else, and no one else would do it anyway. so i begged her to continue at least for a bit and i promised that we would only use her for a limited time everyday to set everyone's makeup and then a pa (or me, more likely) would take on the responsibility of powdering once the actors arrived to set.

so now i'm just hoping she doesn't leave while waiting for the lead actress to be ready with her turnaround.

that's at the crew house, where pre-call will take place.

call isn't until 10a. i get to pick up breakfast from our caterer because we're filming at a television station and it seemed too questionable and confusing with codes and gates and all that. so i'm picking up breakfast and heading to set.

we only have this set from 10a until 2p, and yes, we can't get our lead actress into makeup until 11:30a, which means she might not arrive onset until noon, if we're lucky - and if our makeup artist doesn't call bullshit on waiting around for two hours for an actor who requires a turnaround.

then we have a walking scene to take place on the sidewalk. it's a few blocks from the television station, so we're asking extras to meet us at tables of an outdoor restaurant.

oh, and it's raining.

and there's no cover set.

so we're filming this no matter what.

then, for lunch (if we actually finish filming by 4p when we have to call lunch) will be at the crew house with a three hour window before we can get to our next location at 7p, which will be filming exteriors of a coffee shop, which we're actually not allowed to set foot in until 10p, when they close, but to help with the schedule to we decided to move exteriors to tonight. only thing, yes, still raining, and no, we don't have a holding place at this location until 10p, when they close and agreed to let us use the space.

i've called and texted my brother who lives near that coffee shop to see if we can hang at his house until they close and we can go inside...i haven't heard back from him yet.

and we have an actor landing tomorrow, who's sag, which means she requires per diem and more money than we have and i want to halt production. today. and the producer continues to text me and ask if i'm joking.

other than that, this is the best thing ever....

shooting (day) 2

my dad lent us a coffee percolator from his church. we set it up this morning and used the generic coffee our production supervisor purchased at wal-mart yesterday afternoon when he went out to make a crafty run.

yep, our line producer and production supervisor ran out to get crafty.

i brought the percolator and handed off the responsibility because i do not drink coffee and i do not care or know how to make it.

our ad's happened to have good working knowledge of all things coffee, so when we finally got into the building (the owner of the bowling alley where we're filming was late), we began making coffee.

then the director told me the coffee was really bad.

then everyone agreed.

the line producer and production supervisor ran out again to purchase a harddrive (because we didn't have them) and we asked that they bring back dunkin donuts coffee to compensate for the apparent crap coffee made this morning.

that was two hours ago.

five minutes ago, the first ad just called the second ad and asked him to ask me to coordinate a coffee run for the director of photography (who will only be called a cinematographer). i texted the line producer who's running out right now, and asked if he'd pick up coffee and he said no. we had enough here.

so.....i might attempt to make more in the church percolator...or not.

this is a really long day.

back at it

working on another film.

i swore i wouldn't do this ever again. for some reason i thought i didn't want to do this, that i wanted a normal life where people know there schedules three months out, instead of waiting until literally the night before to find out what time i have to be at work in the morning - and waiting until late afternoon to try to guess as to what time i'll be home.

it's hilarious.

today is the first day of production on another feature.

we planted our excuse for an onsite office in the corner of a basement dance club bar as they film on the first floor bowling alley and bar. the expansive space seemed nice and welcoming until the manager informed us they scheduled a band to load in at 1 this afternoon and begin sound check - sound check - at 5.

funny.

the drummer took it upon himself to begin practicing early.

i'm tired.

there's no soap in the bathroom and i'm trying to avoid thinking about that.