you don't have to be nude

freshman year of college, innocently sitting in my dormitory, i got a phone call from a 'gentleman' who didn't ask my name, but upon picking up the phone asked for my shoe size. i told him (at the time i thought i wore a 9, but it turns out i wear a 71/2 or an 8 - long story). he then asked the size of my ankles and the height of my arches. i gestured to my roommate and we attempted to contain our laughter, especially when he asked me to find a hard surface to step on so i could tell him if i could fit a marble under my arch while standing. and then we hung up in uproarious laughter...i swear to everything holy i had no idea the caller on the other line was using this information for anything sexual.

but since i've had some experience in the area, this ad caught my eye:

Pretty Girls Needed For Thursday Foot Fetish Event ($300 - $400 avg)

We are looking for very attractive girls with pretty feet [are corns pretty?] to get paid $300 - $400 per night to have their feet massaged [who doesn't love a good foot massage?] and kissed [wait...] at our weekly foot fetish events including one coming up this Thursday (August 19th) at 7pm! The work is very fun [i like fun - check], easy [i hate anything challenging - check], you don't have to be nude [i love wearing clothes at a fetish party where i'm the fetish - check check check] and it is 100% legal [wait. i wasn't even wondering, but now that you've brought it up...]. If you are interested in joining our team and being a part of this Thursday's event in an upscale nightclub- please send an email with all three of the following:
1. Your name
2. Your photo [of my feet?]
3. Your phone number
MUST BE 21 AND OLDER TO APPLY!!!
We look forward to speaking with you soon,
Georgiana

hmm...so, i'm off to buy marbles.