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i'm back from kansas.

aunt liz is home.

i've been frazzled and on the verge of tears since i got back home...and a little before. i have realized that i missed deadlines for school, and hilariously enough, i called school to catch up on things and one of the women in the office asked me what i was doing in kansas and - well - i completely broke down in tears, which i'm sure she loved and i kept babbling about how it wasn't sad or anything, but i just couldn't stop crying because of getting sick and being overwhelmed and all the rest of it...

so that was fun and i'm sure the respect for which they have of me is shooting skyward as i write.

and i just emailed a friend with what appeared to be a stream of consciousness that pretty much sums up the last few days: 
"i'm just really stressed. i still have this lecture to plan for school, but i can't actually care about it and whenever i think about running through it i picture everyone staring at me and thinking i'm an idiot or somehow shooting holes in my theory or something. and cowboy's business is crazy blowing up, which is amazing, but he's so stressed about juggling all this work and i can't help because of school work, so it feels like i just sit at home all day. and i got a call from my temp lady and she said that at my last interview they really liked me and i was 'clearly intelligent and could handle the job,' but because of my email address - my gdvd email address - which they asked for my personal email address in the job interview and then googled it and saw the youtube video of the show and said that if i still had that email address, then i was clearly still interested in film. so, i did not get that job."

other than that, i'm doing really well...