collapse

i'm back from kansas.

aunt liz is home.

i've been frazzled and on the verge of tears since i got back home...and a little before. i have realized that i missed deadlines for school, and hilariously enough, i called school to catch up on things and one of the women in the office asked me what i was doing in kansas and - well - i completely broke down in tears, which i'm sure she loved and i kept babbling about how it wasn't sad or anything, but i just couldn't stop crying because of getting sick and being overwhelmed and all the rest of it...

so that was fun and i'm sure the respect for which they have of me is shooting skyward as i write.

and i just emailed a friend with what appeared to be a stream of consciousness that pretty much sums up the last few days: 
"i'm just really stressed. i still have this lecture to plan for school, but i can't actually care about it and whenever i think about running through it i picture everyone staring at me and thinking i'm an idiot or somehow shooting holes in my theory or something. and cowboy's business is crazy blowing up, which is amazing, but he's so stressed about juggling all this work and i can't help because of school work, so it feels like i just sit at home all day. and i got a call from my temp lady and she said that at my last interview they really liked me and i was 'clearly intelligent and could handle the job,' but because of my email address - my gdvd email address - which they asked for my personal email address in the job interview and then googled it and saw the youtube video of the show and said that if i still had that email address, then i was clearly still interested in film. so, i did not get that job."

other than that, i'm doing really well...

hi

for those waiting in line somewhere and trying like hell to pass the time, i shall tell you about my day.

i made some tea and a bowl of yogurt and granola, feeling like if it took the time to actually drink my tea and eat my breakfast, i was wasting my time. but i did it anyway.

i have a pile of school work in front of me with notes and ideas scrawled on pages upon pages, and hopefully i'll be able to put them all together and turn it in my wednesday and still walk with my head held high.

at the moment, i can't wait for school to end. i'm exhausted. i want to read a book without guilt. i want to watch a film without breaking it down in some way for discussion. and i want to go a day without having the weight of due dates new drafts constantly resting on my brain.

last night we talked a lot about buying property and what the future looks like.


and i can't wait.

two down...

this past friday, i turned in the last of my work for the semester. 88 pages of a 'finished' script that had, by most accounts, a happy ending. it's done. finally. i grew to hate that script with a passion and didn't want to think about it or care about it, but when i finally got to the end, i found myself strangely connected to it. who knows.

since then, i've been cleaning like crazy. it's probably four or five times a year that i clean and scrub and wash every nook and cranny in this place. it's very small, but packed in like a storage facility, which makes cleaning difficult at times. but it feels good. radio on. wearing my mom's disposable surgical gloves, an old sweatshirt and shorts, cleanin away.

i finished the kitchen, living room, and bathroom yesterday. today, i'm working on the bedroom and dining room/office/laundry/ storage/linen closet. and after cleaning, i'm going to organize my file cabinet.

- this is why i love rainy weekends.

and then, when everything is in its place, i'll finish the schedule breakdown for the film.

but in the back of my mind, i know must start on thinking about what to write for next semester. i believe i shall attempt to write a comedy.

long time no si

so, apparently i have not really kept up with this thing for the past two months or so. hilarious, i know.

it isn't that i've been sitting in my little hobbit house with the world going on without me. oh no, far from it. i think it actually was more to the fact that tons has happened - i've had a few minor little go to pieces, traveled to the antipodes and back, questioned my career, and have simply been trying to get my brain around what i am now aware of is 'my life.' and somehow writing it down seemed like a completely impossible and overwhelming task.

but with the (not so subtle) urgings of my friend (thank you, amy), i am persevering.

to sum up:

since april 22, i have...

chauffeured wealthy tulsa folks around town in a 16 passenger van

spent a hot afternoon at the stables of a race track

voted in the mayoral primary

visited the aunties in connecticut where i was told, once again, that i 'will never be a great beauty, but [i] sure am cute.'

attended a fancy dancy wine tasting at the marriott marquis

sobbed yet again while watching the end of 'roman holiday'

became a plumber

strolled on the long island sound

helped a man who fell off a bike

realized how many burt reynolds movies i haven't seen

got ruthann all fixed up...kind of

ran into an old friend on barrow street

performed an irish striptease

finally saw 'wicked'

almost ruined my graduate career

got a raise at the job i'm not legally allowed to talk about

attended my lovely friend's book reading

turned the historic age of 33

starred in a screwball comedy

stayed for two weeks mere feet from a giant teepee

saw the wild bill hickock memorial

ate pig brains

drove across three states

went clubbing in buenos aires

sang vamos vamos argentina

ate at the meager loin

witnessed the strangely disturbing 'florida tango show'

'learned' to dance the tango

was told i look like a campbell soup kid and justin bieber

continued to purchase and eat loads of candy

walked a tightrope

slept in a renovated stable on the pampas

watched gauchos compete to be the best darn gaucho

got stopped at customs

met some amazingly, talented wonderful new friends and writers

laughed my ass off with amy

swam and floated away at a lake

i think that's it. i shall expound later.

saturday...continued

set out to organize my desk and ended up cleaning my entire house...

looks like someone doesn't want to write her essay for school.

crazy wonderful crazy time

the amazing world of movie-making...

tomorrow morning we're shooting at the aforementioned industrious coffeehouse, then i gets to drive 'round scouting locations (anyone know of a great apartment complex with a pool?), then i get to beg and plead and attempt to get free or discount food for production next week, then i get to write an article for work, then i get to watch a picture-show for school.

braz-illiant!

i just hope i don't royally screw anything up.