walk the walk

a few days ago i received an email from my agent. he'd submitted my headshot for a national commercial for curves and they wanted to see me at their open call because i fit the bill:

These women should be warm, open, happy, busy, giving people who are beautiful both inside and out. They have a smile and personality that makes us want to grab a coffee with her...

These females will need to have some rhythm, as this spot has dancing. =)

i pictured an audition comparable to 'a chorus line.' or maybe a group of women in a big room doing jazzercise steps and slow-motion high-five's. i pictured tight-assed suits sitting at a card table watching all the "warm, open, happy, busy, giving" women doin their thing.

i woke up early - very early - 5:45. you see, my agent, and every audition he gets me, is in nashville, which is about three hours away. but it's a hub down here, and last january when i got some crazy idea that i wanted to be an actor again, i went and auditioned and got an agent - so now, every once in a while, i get to drive hours for a chance at the big time (big time not included).

i headed out, tired as all hell, drinking coffee and not at all feeling like the "warm, open, happy, busy, giving" person i was supposed to be.

when i arrived at the best western and walked into the lobby, three women in black yoga pants with long, combed hair strolled out, so i knew i was in the right place. it was then that the first moment of 'i'm a dork' sunk into my stomach. the notice said to wear workout clothes, so i wore shorts and a t-shirt because that's what i wear every morning to death boot camp. but when i saw the other women, i knew i should have at least attempted to look cool. (it's that horrible feeling we've all had - when you leave your house you feel really good about what you're wearing, but then after three hours in the car, no sleep, and a moment of clarity in the lobby of a best western, you realize that your legs are not tone nor tan and the red dots from either mosquitoes or razor burn can be seen by all.)

a young gangly guy gave me a form to fill out and for a moment i was the only one there. then a middle aged woman came in who seemed more my speed. she had real workout clothes on and her hair in a cap and messy ponytail. but then she took off her sunglasses and i saw that she had a black eye, and the only explanation was that she got it 'on vacation' (?).

and then the actress came in. (one of the most painful things in life is actors at an audition). she had on more jewelry than i've ever worn in my life, with her long hair flowing, and showed way too much excitement for filling out forms.

we were then told to gather our things and when i stood up, black-eye asked, 'so, you like zumba?' i stared blankly. 'do you zumba?' she said again. i looked down at my clothes to see what my style might indicate (nothin). 'i don't think so,' i said meekly. on our way across the parking lot, she said that it was why she was there - for the new zumba ad (still no idea).

the three of us walked into the room where a young director and a camera guy sat behind a table and looked through headshots.

'hi ladies,' the director said. we put our bags down and she went up to black-eye and asked how the surgeries were going (not sure if the surgeries happened on this violent vacation or after). and then we were told to stand in a diagonal and say our name, agent, age, and something interesting about ourselves (i.hate.this.crap.). 'carol, let's start with you.' i looked at the other women and turned back to the director. 'me?' i said. 'yes, carol go ahead.' 'i'm laura.' 'oh, sorry. for some reason i want to call you carol.'

after slating, the director asked us to turn to the right, and then turn again to face the back wall, which, quite expectantly, confused the living crap out of me. i did a 360 and turned completely around and then realized the actress and black-eye were correctly facing the back wall, so i quickly turned and i'm soooo sure no one noticed. once we got all the way around, the director asked if we all knew what zumba was. the actress and black-eye chimed in that they loved it and of course knew what it was. 'i've heard of it,' i said, referencing my conversation with black-eye moments before. the director explained that zumba was 'like traditional workouts, like jumping jacks and toe touches, but with a latin influence. yeah?' 'sure,' i said. 'great, i'm gonna play this music for 45 seconds and let's see what you got.' (what i heard was, 'when you hear music, please go bat-shit crazy.')

the actress and black-eye started with jumping jacks and seemed to know what was going on, so i started with jumping jacks too... and then something happened. i became completely unaware of time and space (and purpose of being there). maybe my brain took a nap. i'm not sure. but for some reason, i chose this moment in my life - this arbitrary moment at an audition for a curves commercial in a best western in nashville, tn - to absolutely go for broke. i danced, moved, jumped, spun, might have done the charleston, and kicked more than would ever be necessary.

then the music stopped.

the director went to the camera guy, 'did we get carol - i mean, laura?' she turned to me, 'you went a bit outside the frame...well, more than a bit. i tried to gesture to you to move back, but you were in your own world.' i didn't really have a response to this. they quieted and watched the footage, 'hmmmm, no that works. great. thanks ladies. we'll let you know by thursday.' (i do not expect to hear from them.)

and that was it.

all in all, about twelve minutes of my life and hours of driving down the proverbial tube.

so, i turned around and headed home.