Miss Kubelik, one doesn't get to be a second administrative assistant around here unless he's a pretty good judge of character, and as far as I'm concerned you're tops. I mean, decency-wise and otherwise-wise.

- C. C. Baxter, The Apartment

Sunday, February 27, 2011

cuttin' up

i got to the schoolhouse this past thursday and waved to j and his dad as i made my way up the stone path.

once inside, k asked if i saw the big ol' hog. and, of course, she was referring to the 'big ol' hog' j and his dad were presently butchering when i strolled along.

um, no. i did not see it.

somehow during class, i forgot about this activity going on mere feet away. but, no worries, i was quickly reminded of it when i stepped onto the porch to go inside the house for lunch, and there, right before my eyes, was a butchered hog. piles of fat, legs, and meat. right there in front of me. slabs and fat and pork. and bone. no head, though. or feet. just big ol' hunks o' hog.

we had soup that day for lunch. bean soup. very good.

Friday, February 18, 2011

mama mia, here i go again

heading to my grad assistantship gig this morning, i heard the regular annoying banter from the dj's on the morning show. and for some reason i kept listening.


come to find out, they were interviewing two of the leads of the touring company for 'mama mia.' and one of them just happened to be a guy i worked with way back in regional theatre, some 48 years ago. i really only remember that a) he was always really really really chipper and b) his name is 'happy.'


i didn't know him well. certainly not well enough to contact him to say, 'hey, you're in my home town touring a broadway show and i'm here because i live here and have seventeen jobs and am not completely sure what i'm doing with my life.'


it was just one of those moments when i reevaluated everything going on in my life and everything i'm working towards. and it's not like i want his life or career. sure, touring a broadway show sounds fun and, hey, living the highlife from the fame of a national olive garden commercial is probably pretty sweet (yes, he's in an olive garden commercial), but i think i'm okay.


i still like my life, even if i'm not always happy.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

team player

it's sometimes difficult to admit, but i'm rarely taken very seriously.

so it came as a bit of a surprise when my sweet friend asked me to be on her birthing team (as a shortstop). she's pregnant with her second child and will have her husband and a dhoula in the room with her, and she's asked for me and another friend as well.

when she asked me i was completely honored and elated and bragged to a few friends...and then read the 'birth in a nutshell' chapter in a book she lent me.

ummm, that shit sounds crazy.

i don't know why it shocked me so much considering i've thought of being a midwife or dhoula before. but, it fell in the same category as being a bush pilot in east africa, or a school marm in a one room schoolhouse (oh, wait).

but i said yes and i'm going to do it with ghusto.

she said she asked me because she and her husband see me as both calming and funny, which i take as the highest compliment. but, in all honesty, me and my antics get pretty annoying pretty fast when birth is on the line.

no worries. we came up with a safety word. if anyone in the room says it, i am to quietly take my leave.

the word, you ask?

zucchini plant.

still not sure

the great opportunity came down the pike yesterday... i think.

to catch you up:

while at sundance, i made it a priority to see as many films connected to my lil' ol' hometown as possible (surprisingly, there were a few). but, as it turned out, i only got a chance to see one.

the connection with this film, you ask? well, the producer of this film works in the same company as a man who owns a production company that has both an office here and in fancy nyc. realizing that the chick was in nyc, i decided to write the main guy.

i emailed him and asked if i could sit down and ask him some questions. he said sure, and in the meantime, he asked me to read a script. i read it once and then decided to take notes since i really had no idea why this person asked me to read a script.

anyhoo, i met with him yesterday and i'm not sure if it went well or not. i got there and we walked back to his office, past working people who looked very important. part of me felt like a student on a field trip pretending to be an adult and the other part of me felt like an adult - until i took off my jacket. i took it off to sit down, but it kept tugging at my back and i realized that the ripped lining was stuck to the back of my jeans (yes, i wore jeans because these are hip film people). i pulled the strands of the lining out and tore another piece and finally sat down. i did this, though, with the highest sense of professionalism and I'm sure he didn't notice a thing.

he asked me how i liked the script and i said it was funny (i did actually laugh out loud a few times), and then he asked me who set up this meeting. this confused the hell out of me because it was just me writing him out of the blue. it wasn't that big of a deal, but it led to about five minutes of 'who do we both know in town?' it's a fun game that's played regularly here.

i peppered him with questions that i'd prepared and then, seemingly out of nowhere, he said, 'so, you've done some line producing before?' and he said it like we were already talking about being a line producer, which we were not. i said that yes, i had worn almost every hat in terms of producing (which is a slight lie, but who really cares) and from that i asked him about production on the script he sent me. he said there were only a few locations and the late-blooming over-achiever that i am said, 'three main locations and nine minor.' he stared for a quiet moment and i timidly said that i'd written down the locations and characters when i read through the script.

i asked him if he had any actors in mind and he mentioned one actor he liked and i said, 'oh, yeah, for the part of XXX.' (i don't know why i said it with such confidence because it's not the main role and i could have said anything.) but he said, 'yeah. yeah, that's the part i thought - do you know who i'm talking about?' and i did because the only information i retain is actors.

okay, this is when it kind of got crazy (the term 'crazy' being used loosely). he asked me to email him my notes, which intimidated me because it's just a list of locations and characters. and then he asked me if i would be interested in putting together a budget for the film.

ummmmmmmm....yeah, no problem.

i kind of laughed and said, 'what if i email it to you and you say, "this chick doesn't even know what a budget is," and he responded with, "i could send you some budgets we've used on other films."

so i think the meeting went well, but now i have homework doing something that i, in so many words, told someone i know how to do. but in reality i kind of don't know how to do.

please understand that i am aware of the opportunity and am trying to take advantage of as much as possible, but i'm also terrified that this will pretty much prove that the emperor has no clothes.

not that i'm an emperor...

Monday, February 7, 2011

prominent nose is preferred

hear that?
Steve Martin Lookalike

Need an actor bearing a STRONG resemblance to Steve Martin to sit for a photograph. While a caucasian male, age 50-70, with grey hair and a prominent nose is preferred, we will consider anyone bearing a very strong resemblance. Compensation will be very good depending on the resemblance...
that's opportunity knockin.

stay consistent in your work ethic, lazy people

he/she sounds like a joy to work for (if you are teachable!):

Assistant

If you are ambitious, motivated and teachable, I will train you personally to make a comfortable income, and all you need is to be willing to follow instruction to the detail, and stay consistent in your work ethic, lazy people move on because I do not have time for your excuses!

If you are interested in starting right away, then email your name,number, and best time to call when you are in front of a computer with about 10min. free so I can qualify you over the phone, thank you for your time!
one thing you will be taught is the art of the run-on sentence.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

not sure yet

as it happens, i have had a lot of luck in my life with writing letters. usually the letters are as simple as, 'i like what you do and want to meet you' and holy hell, a door opens.

well, something might be coming down the pike because of one such letter.

i shall let you know soon.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

ruthann r.i.p.

i'm sorry to say that ruthann has passed away. i haven't buried her yet. she still sits in the front of the house, which makes me feel pretty and not at all white trash.

i know she would want me to move on, so i have begun my search. what i'm looking for is simple - something i can buy that's worth much more than i pay and something reliable that will get me through the next few years - at least until i graduate.

the problem i face is my choices are quite limited. one good thing is that (as i recently found out) mama has some good credit. but the possibly bigger problem is that i have a difficult time proving my income. it's not that i don't work, it's simply that i can't really prove it when it comes to forms and all that junk.

at the moment, my occupation is as follows:

theatre reviews (ain't enough to show anything)
babysitting (no check stub)
bookkeeping (ironically, same problem as babysitting)
teaching (i get paid with a $20 bill on my dash every once in a while.)
prank phone calls (not legally allowed to talk about and they do not put ytd on the check stub)
graduate assistant (one day a week and it goes towards school. mama don't get no check.)

so here i sit without a working auto-car.

in the meantime, please say your prayers for dear ruthann. she's been a good friend these past many years. a very good friend indeed.