paranoia strikes deep in the heartland

i didn't sleep last night. i tried reading, watching tv (two and a half men), reading a book on kindle, taking a shower, closing my eyes, journaling, and crying.

the reason for my insomnia might be that i had too much sugar and no actual dinner.

or it might be that, as i was leaving the set, one member of the crew said something to me that made me terrified that the entire cast and crew hated me and i would never work again and that i had completely done something wrong that i would forever be blacklisted.

what, you ask, was the conversation that gave me such pain and anxiety? it was thus:

me: okay, i'm headin out. see you at 9 tomorrow.
crew member: 8.
me: 8? but the schedule -
crew member: you know what? get there when you want. whatever.

i left in tears.

this morning i approached this person and asked if there was an issue with my arrival time for the past two weeks. he looked a) confused at my approach, and b) terrified of the crazy in my eyes. he said he was just tired the night before and didn't even remember the conversation, but he certainly didn't mean anything.

so...

clearly, stress, lack of sleep, and an insane schedule has had no affect on me.