looking for a wife without the marriage [aren't we all?]
I am a business owner on the north side of XXX and am looking for a personal assistant to make my life easier [who doesn't want a personal assistant?]. Your tasks will include grocery shopping, going to the dry cleaners, cooking once in a while, massage once in a while [define 'massage'], light cleaning - in return you will be paid hourly and also have the opportunity to go to nice restaurants ['when i allow you to leave the house'] and be taken care of ['by me...in a little room...where i shall ask you to wear this dress. this red dress. marjorie loved red...you look like marjorie.'] - I am a classy and honest person [clearly] and expect the same ['don't you dare lie to me'] - I am looking for someone professional in appearance so I would appreciate a professional photo [taken professionally in front of wallpaper trees and a plastic stump] - this is a dream job in my opinion! [he's right. i can't think of anything better...well, maybe as jame gumb's sewing assistant.]
- Compensation: WILL ADVISE [creepy] AT TIME OF INTERVIEW
now i shall sit and wait for this to (surprisingly) go awry and end up on the national news.
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