perusing craigslist yet again...

as always, i spent the morning looking about on craigslist searching for my ideal career to fall in my lap, and this is what i found...

1. calling interpreters for the following languages:

Pohnpeian

Ponapean

Micronesian

Turkish

Albanian

for all those interpreters out there, your ship has come in. (and for those of us not fluent in those popular and common languages, may we now regret yet another course in college we did not take.)

2. sometimes it's easy to tell that a job would be pretty shitty simply by the job description. case in point:

I have a start up sheep, goat, cattle, hay, and hunting operation... I have an opening for a healthy and reliable adult... Please don't waste your time if you use drugs, smoke, or drink. Must have own medical insurance... and a good chain saw... There are some perks besides pay, such as... raising a beef/lamb. Please don't ask me to call you.

3. those kickboxing classes will finally pay off.

We are casting a corporate communication video. The character will emulate the style of the "Ask a Ninja" website.

4. i've always wanted to be a dancer.

Rustic Frog is looking for female dancers. we have a unique facility and after July 1st will be the only topless club in the area serving alcohol and no barriers. Please apply in person.

...yeah, um, define 'barriers'

5. this job was made for me. made. for. me.

We want someone who can make realistic and humorous bodily function sound effects.