fun day at work

i worked with cowboy this week.

every time i've worked with him before, it was an empty house and we worked alone with the radio on.

this week, though, we worked in a house where people lived.

we were let in a door from the garage that led down a hallway to the bathroom needing work. the hallway passed the main living room where an older woman sat on a sofa and played solitair on her ipad and watched game shows the entire day. the entire day.

the morning began quietly - except for the frustration cowboy had with rockboard and my lack of skill and gravity and the toilet paper holder - but it quickly turned.

first, the woman's thirteen year-old grandson came home and stared unflinchingly at both of us working, but when i said hello, he responded with the same stare. it was a bit more awkward when this scrawny pale kid changed into baggy shorts, a wife-beater tanktop, yellow-tinted shades, and a cap. in this new outfit, he again just walked slowly in and out of rooms staring at us.

he was even kind enough to continue the awkward walk and stare out in the garage when i cut tile.

then, the dogs arrived. they stayed behind the temporary gate put up by the woman who presumably took a moment away from solitair.

at the point in the day when the sun slanted and pointed directly in my eyes when i stood at the tile saw, when the teenage boy's relentless staring added to him mumbling things to his grandmother when she wasn't in the room, and the dogs barked uncontrollably. that's when we decided when the day was over.

no more

my temp agency called yesterday afternoon. this job ends today. smeller hasn't mentioned it to me and i think she knows, but i'm not sure.

next week, if the temp agency doesn't call with another job, i'm working with cowboy.

good morning

working in an office sucks. you sit in a cubicle with your back to a window (if you have a window) and go through the same mundane tasks every day. you look forward to your lunch hour, which you usually spend at your desk, eating and typing and working, even though you're not paid for that hour, but you feel like you're wasting time if you actually take time off for lunch. you think about going outside for a walk, about getting some fresh air, but that pile of invoices won't wait, so the idea of seeing the sun in the early afternoon fades to a far off dream meant only for weekends. slowly you realize that your life continues in one unending, sludgy routine. to fight it, you decorate your space with as many photos and drawings and dilbert comics as you can to remind yourself that you're unique and your own person. you try to convince yourself that this beige office doesn't define you.

and then the day comes when you realize that it didn't work.

- i came in today and picked up my water bottle and headed to the kitchen, and in that time passed four  different people from four different departments, and when i greeted them, they all responded the same way:

'morning. how're you doin?'
'i'm here.'

note to anyone: if i ever genuinely respond to a question like that, please throw me down a long flight of stairs.

new day

i stayed home yesterday and worked for the company i'm not legally allowed to talk about and created a new invoice design for cowboy's company.

but now i'm back at the temp job and my soul is weeping.

smeller keeps complaining about anything - it's too cold, too warm, she's tired, too wired, hungry, full, or something to do with the broken stapler.

on the other end of the spectrum, i received an email this morning inviting me to join the board of the local film society. it's all kinds of strange and surprising, but something that also seems pretty darn cool.

another day in the office

lots happening around here:

west nile returned to work this morning, apparently not stricken down with a deadly disease, but with no word on why she didn't come in yesterday.

someone informed me this morning that one of the vice presidents will not be coming back - and it wasn't his decision. overnight, they removed his name and all identifiers from his office.

smeller has a headache and doesn't know if her smeller is broken from a cold or allergies.

the other temp can't wait to go to the fair this weekend, but has to make sure she cleans her house on saturday since she'll be gone on sunday.

the other vp came up to me and whispered, 'shit is crazy here today.'

more to come...

ADDED:
trailer park gramma compared the storm last night with 'war of the worlds' with tom cruise.

contagious

three women constantly share news reports of shootings, attacks, or anything else that qualifies as gruesome.

yesterday, i passed their cubicles when one shared the news that someone in a town about three hours away died of the west nile virus.

apparently, this morning, the same woman who shared that information didn't come in. and she didn't call. her supervisor asked the other two women if they'd heard anything and one woman responded, 'no, she didn't call or anything, but yesterday she told us about someone dying of the west nile virus, so...i didn't really think about it when she told us, but maybe that's why...'

i think it would be made a bigger deal if this woman is out today due to death or disease, but we shall see if she ever comes in or we get news of a west nile case close to home.

waiting area

my cubicle sits right outside the door of the ever elusive controller, which means i get to entertain/be entertained by people waiting to see him.

this afternoon, a woman from across the office who, when i first met her many months ago when i began this temporary assignment, informed me that she didn't want to be an accountant like her mother (she's in her sixty's).

so, the not-accountant came over to see the controller, but he had someone else in his office, so she waited for him and talked to me. she seemed extremely shaken up and it turned out that she had to take a half day to get a refill of her narcolepsy medication because her husband "couldn't get it for her and he already missed a half day even though he's a bus driver and today is the first day of school and that doesn't look too good." i also found out that the previous drug she took for her ailment was not a narcotic, like the current one (the reason for the problem), but it cost a hundred bucks a month, where this one is five.

the entire time she spoke, she slowly cleaned her iphone with a kleenex.

creeps

two creepy guys work here.

they both resemble rodents.

one has a big mole on his face.

one walks by my cubicle about six times a day, when actually, there's no reason why he would even have to be on this side of the office, and every time he passes, he slides his hand across the metal rim of the cubicle and says, 'hi laura.'

and they both keep eye contact/stare longer than any normal social people should.

the good stuff

someone made a pot of starbucks coffee in the kitchen, but no one knows which pot it is, so people keep wandering in and smelling the three pots of aramark coffee hoping their noses will tell them.

too bad smeller isn't a coffee drinker. she might be able to help.

the other temp filled her cup with a bit from every pot, hoping that somehow she would get 'the good stuff.'


i might drink some, simply to join in on the conversation of whether i think i got the lucky pot or not.

awkward moment

smeller went home and left me with nothing to do, which is fine.

a woman from across the office came over to put something on smeller's desk and she asked me how i thought the other temp was doing (an hour ago i caught a slight mistake).  well, i just happened to look up and the other temp cowered behind a cubicle when she heard this woman ask.

but the woman saw her hide and said she was just joking.

just another day among the cubicles.

the other temp

an older woman temps here as well. she was gone for a while, but returned this week.

back in may, when she was here, she always happened to eat lunch in the break room the same time i did and it used to drive me absolutely mental. first of all, i hate office chitchat, and with her, it was an entire thirty minutes of office chitchat. for example:
'you have lunch too?'
'yeah. just a sandwich.'
'i have chinese. do you like chinese?'
'sometimes.'
'i do. too much sauce, though.'
'mm.'
'i have a menu in my purse if you want to look into it.'
'thanks.'
...
'how long is your assignment here?'
'i think just until the end of the month.'
'that's good. long assignments provide some relief.'

-it was that exciting. and it went on for thirty minutes. for about two weeks. pain.

well, she's back.

and now i fear my private, quiet lunches are no more.

still lookin alive

the 'look alive' gentleman returned to my cubicle. he only stops about once every few weeks, so this is a record. he just stopped and asked how my weekend was.

i said it was fine. he asked what i did. i would tell you the entire conversation, but it was the same conversation that happens in cubicles all over the world on monday's and it's really boring. but, when i returned with the requisite 'you do anything fun?' he described in detail his entire weekend (not looking at me at all).

but then he forgot what he did on saturday. for the entire day. and he stood there. at my cubicle. leaning on my wall. mumbling to himself wondering what he did.

and then, to sum up, he stated, 'hm...well, i guess it was nothing. i don't know what i did. i had dinner. that was...yeah, i had dinner.' and then he walked away.

new position

i walked to the kitchen here at my temp job and a friend here told me about an open position and told me i should apply.

instantly, my anxiety went up so i returned to my desk to take yet another career test.

here are the results:

You are a Guide, possible professions include - career counselor, psychologist, educational consultant, special education teacher, librarian, artist, playwright, novelist/poet, editor/art director, information-graphics, designer, HRM manager, merchandise planner, environmental lawyer, marketer, job analyst, mental health counselor, dietitian/nutritionist, research, educational consultant, architects, interpreter/translator.

People Person :

You are very gifted at dealing with other people.  Your compassion and empathy make you a natural for any careers that require nurturing and encouraging people on a daily basis. Given your strong ability to put yourself in others' shoes coupled with your equally strong desire to help people, some possible career choices for you might include: nurse, psychologist, or teacher.

my brain will explode soon.

look alive

there's a man who passes my cubicle on a regular basis and every single time - every single time - mumbles something like, 'look alive people,' or 'wake up,' or 'keep on keepin on.' and i must say that he doesn't slow or make eye contact when he makes these comments.

today he walked past and said, 'nice sweater.' (i do happen to have on a new sweater on today)

who knows.


the most conversation i've ever had with this guy happened last friday when he came up and leaned over the wall of my cubicle and said, 'you know anyone who needs a horse trailer? real nice. a buddy of mine is selling it.'

ebert

three women in this office always talk about movies. i know this because sound hovers over the cubicles and i can hear every word.

yesterday, i heard one woman say, 'there this movie i've seen a dozen times and couldn't tell you the title, but it has steve martin and who's that lady. you know. i'm looking at her. what's her name - meryl streep. and that guy, who is that? on the commercials. alec baldwin. it's funny. i laugh every time.'

the second woman, obviously sold on the cast, asked, 'what's it about?'

and thus the film was described, 'well, the star is meryl streep. and she's divorced and her son is graduating and her ex-husband comes back in the picture and they hook up and he falls back in love with her, but she doesn't love him, but she likes the sex, so she just uses him. and she dates steve martin. it's really funny.'


(this description is better than the actual film.)

tempeh

vegetarians over the age of sixty fascinate me.

back from the action

i missed work for the first part of the week because i worked on a documentary outside of town. but now, i'm back.

i wore ripped jeans and old t-shirts and clogs and my hair under an old cap. but now, i'm back wearing a hand-me-down white top under a hand-me-down pink cardigan with hand-me-down high-wasted, tapered-ankle mom slacks.

i drove out to farms and talked to farmers about the dry weather and their old donkeys that are 'older than moses' and saw a sweet, little church built in 1819 that now has a 'new preacher who's changing things around here.' but now, i'm back in a beige cubicle.

i found lunch in old gas stations miles from town. but now, i'm back downtown with fast food chains and restaurants and vending machines all around me.

i was only a production assistant on this project, and did whatever they needed me to do. but now, i'm back as only a temp doing whatever they need me to do.

one was much for rewarding.

starting early

i begin a three-day job on a documentary this morning.

i've never worked on a documentary, but i'm sure the predicted thunderstorms and windy day will make it a delightful experience.

dress for success...or something

i used to care about the way i looked. i fell asleep thinking up what i would wear the next day. i spent hours at thrift stores buying odd pieces and then, because i somehow had the time and space for this, i got out my sewing machine and hemmed, ripped, and created beautiful clothes.

and then i found myself in an office environment and i started caring less and sadly, just like every other person who spends their days stuck in a cubicle, i looked forward to wearing jeans on casual day like it was the second coming of christ.

but at this fair temp job, casual day only rolls around once a month for some reason, and on all the other days i can't get myself to care a snit about what i wear. when i began temping again and faced countless days ahead sitting in a beige environment, i spent about thirty minutes at a thrift store buying clothes that fit (that was the only requirement) and have suffered with my reflection ever since. for instance, today i have on a stained, old wool yellow cardigan (a hand-me-down from the grandmother of my neighbor who died a year ago), a blue button-up top that insists on pulling at my boobs, and a pair of maroonish brown men's l.l.bean trousers that make my butt look big with legs that are about five inches too short. and, of course, my boots. it's really an unattractive look.

really unattractive.

and i want to care. i daydream about wearing jewelry with my outfits and not the same old, dreary pair of old pants everyday and combing my hair and looking like the adult i supposedly am. and i want to dress better because of that saying, 'dress for the job you want, not the job you have.' but what exactly is the job that i want?

screwed

my abs burn with the heat of a thousand suns.

did i take some hot, new workout class? nope. i screwed down rockboard for my boyfriend's construction company last night after work.

my boyfriend cowboy took the giant leap last fall and started his own company. he knows carpentry and construction, plumbing and electrical, anything to do with tile and hardwood, and he can pretty much build an entire house out of toothpicks if need be. but even though these skills live in his marrow, and he's been working in the field for years and years, it doesn't take away from the anxiety that comes with relying totally on self to find work, assess the job, bid it, gather materials, do the work, invoice, and get paid in a steady, professional, and timely way.

to no one's surprise, though, the company has been growing steadily and the work continues to come in. and very soon, he will be faced with the next big step and actually have to hire an employee.

i want this job. it's not just to get out of temping, although that would be the blessing of a lifetime, but because i like doing something with my day.

and cowboy thinks it's not a completely bad idea. but then we come face to face with the fact that i might be good at a few things, but really, i have no skills (i can't lift anything heavier than about twenty pounds, measuring scares the daylights out of me, etc). and we also have to consider the situation of both of us relying solely on the income of this company, which is a leap in and of itself.

but the company isn't quite at that step yet, so until then, i get to help out when i can and screw down rockboard and pull up nails (i love this more than queen latifah movies) and eat sandwiches on the jobsite and listen to classic rock and wear cowboy's old t-shirts and be a part of making something beautiful.

and i love it.

again!!!!

i took the long-ass career assessment test again. i took it in february 2010 and laughed at it because it said i should be a funeral director.

i just retook it and guess what came up as the first career meant just for me?
that's right - funeral director.

w.t.f.

ill

smeller stayed home today.

who am i and why i am i here?

i currently doubt the career decisions that have made me the temp you see today.

to fight these feelings of regret and self-hatred, i decided to take a career aptitude test while at my temp job.

here are a few questions posed to me:


Do you own a pet with fur?
Would you or have you ever intentionally hurt an animal?
Have you ever enjoyed reading Popular Science magazine?
Is it okay to get drunk once per week?
Do you blame your parents?
Are you completely full of crap?
Are you good at jigsaw puzzles?
If no one was looking, would you pee in a public place, such as a pool?
Are you a total slob?
Have you ever been thrown out of a bar?



this test assessed that i should be a nurse.

ADDED: i found another test and it states that i am perfectly suited to be an accountant. i want to cry.

stuffed up

smeller went home sick.

i have nothing to do.

nope.

nothin.

knew how to quit (you)

if you want to feel out of sorts whilst sitting in a lifeless cubicle with mundane office chatter about, please read either the short story or adapted screenplay of brokeback mountain. it will successfully stick in your head and rumble in your stomach for hours to come.

i have an assignment for school to write a paper comparing the two versions and i thought, hey, why not take advantage of the loads of free time here at this temp job to get some work done? i've already read other scripts while here (the devil wears prada, big, garden state, being there, and the wizard of oz to name a few) so i didn't think too much about it.

and then i read brokeback mountain.

and now i feel strange.

and wanting.

just like ennis. and jack. and probably alma. and every other character.




craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.

bernie

a conversation i witnessed yesterday at a thornton's:

man: you should see 'bernie'?
woman: you mean 'weekend at bernie's'?
man: no 'bernie.'
woman: is it the one where the man is dead, but they have to pretend he's not?
man: no. this is a new movie. with jack black. called 'bernie.'
woman: oh...i haven't seen it.