give it a trim

your career path begins here:

Scissor Trimmer - Right Handed
Operning for right handed trimmer to use scissors to trim award emblems for High School (letters, patches etc). good eye-hand coordination and crafting skills helpful.
Available hours are 8am - 2:30pm OR 10am - 6:30pm
$7.25/hour to start. Training is provided. 

two shifts. for trimming. seriously. how much trimming could they possibly have? and what does the training include? and what if i'm left-handed?

...i wish i had better eye-hand coordination

the sendoff speech

tomorrow, the filming begins on this commercial.

tonight, the producer asked for all of the production team, pa's, etc gathered to inform us that we were 'the worst, most chaotic team' she's ever worked with.

combing through the night

last night i came back from 'driving' all day and it was only about 6 or so, so i asked for something to do. my superior told me that there wasn't anything to do at the time, but to 'hang out.'

i hung out.

at 7, i was given the task to go and pick up dinner for everyone. i did that.

then at 7:45, i was given another task to go and pick up another dinner for the producer who didn't eat when the others ate.

back in the office at 8, i hung out some more.

and then i was given the great assignment to purchase a comb for the aforementioned producer. she required a 'wide-tooth' comb. it was 8:30, but it seemed like an easy enough task because, in the hotel (where the commercial main office is), there was a little gift shop, and indeed they carried hair products.

i walked the maze through the hotel and found the gift shop and saw that they had a 'fine-tooth' comb and a brush. this was not what the producer wanted, but i thought that there may be a chance that because it was late and this was so random, that she would say, 'you know what? the brush will work for now and if you could get me a comb tomorrow...'

i went to the counter with both the comb and the brush and asked the girl working there if the gift shop allowed returns. she replied, 'the brush is 5.81 and the comb is 2.11.'

i said, 'can i return them?'

'you're returning these?'

'no, i want to buy them now, but will probably have to return at least one, but maybe both.'

'but if i gave you money back, my drawer would be short.'

'okay...okay, i need to buy these to show someone down the hall and if she doesn't want them, i'll need to return them...'

'she's down the hall?'

'yes. down the hall.'

'i'd have to call a manager if you wanted to do anything with my drawer.'

'would it be easier if i just brought these down the hall and brought them back?'

'i can't let you take them without paying for them.'

'no, i'm not - can i buy these and then get my money back later?'

'i guess - '

finally the purchase was made and i brought the comb and the brush to the producer down the windy hallway.

she looked up from her dinner and pointed to each item and said, 'no, that's a 'fine-tooth' comb and that's a brush.'

i returned them to the gift shop, which a manager was called to. without issue. because they allow returns.

at 9:20, i got to go to walgreen's. i found the exact comb requested and drove back to the hotel. i carried it into the room and handed it to the producer, who gave me a thumb's up sign and said, 'pink?'

an hour later, i was home.

still waiting...

i drove again today.

most of my day was sitting in the car.

not driving.

waiting.

outside buildings.

listening to the radio.

praying my phone didn't die.

waiting.

waiting...

i'm a pa on a commercial today. i was first told that my call would be late, but last night i was informed that my call time was 9am. so here i am.

so far today i've looked at facebook, looked over the map of where to drive peeps later in the day (not sure when), and had to walk to one girl's hotel room (in the maze they call a hotel) to retrieve a brush and hand lotion and bring the brush to someone else's hotel room (on the other side of the maze).

and now i'm back at my computer. hanging out. waiting...

it's sunday. i'm tired. i feel like i'm getting strep throat. i want to be on my sofa looking at my little christmas tree and watching mind-numbing sunday television.

but, as it always goes, doing nothing work on a commercial pays about ten times more than doing something work on a film. it's nice how that works out.

why buy the cow...

we filmed in a dairy today. it was realistic and wonderful that the dairy owner let us film there, and we got some great shots of the cows getting hooked up to the thingamajigs.

but let me say this: that place wreaked. stank, my friends. stank.

but at least it's fun

we shot today out in a small town. very small town. it was like any other day.

- one of the grips was fired and emailed the entire crew to explain that this is the most depressing crew he'd ever been on.
- one of the art department assistants fell of the back of a truck, onto his head. he refused to go to the doctor or hospital, so our medic gave him a muscle relaxer...and then he drove himself home.

- our makeup artist slammed her head into the door of a minivan and couldn't stop crying and felt nauseated, so i was asked to drive her to the emergency room (back in town).

- it took seventeen takes and two and a half hours to get the last shot, which was supposed to be the 'quick' one.

- the second a.d. can't seem to get the call sheet to attach in an email, which means she can't send it, which means i can't get it, which means i can't send it out, which means i can't go to sleep.

- i'm starving.

ADDED:

- our lead actress accidentally punched the truck during a scene and i got to take her to a hand specialist. no break. just a bone bruise. and so we returned to set and continued filming.

ADDED:

- an unpaid production assistant got into a car accident.

charming fellas

currently waiting in a holiday inn to pick up the lead actress to bring her to set.

i just got off the phone with the director's mother when a gentleman sitting at the lobby computer turned around and said, 'you ever seen one of those?'

i did not know what he was talking about, but soon found out that he was referring to a gas powered remote control car. and no, i had not heard of them. but he has one. and apparently they go fast.

it was a harmless conversation, but he's wearing a muddy camouflaged hat with a rebel flag on it and i just wonder why stereotypes have to come true.

i think it's a sign from the universe that this will be a great day. great day. good times indeed.

balls in the air

one of my (horrible) responsibilities is to handle all travel arrangements for people coming in. it's painful and horrible and usually on films they have travel agents because of all the particulars, but the producer didn't see it as worth it because of how easy it is to handle things online.

that's what i've been doing today. getting flights for actors and wanting to vomit. seriously, hours have passed. and i have tons of other stuff too.

and i have to go to the read-thru of the script at 3:30 because i'm the dialect coach, which sounds nice, but i am getting nothing else accomplished today.

and, with all that's going on, there is also a teenage boy in here juggling. literally juggling. he came to audition for the role of the 'special' boy in the film.

take what we can get

we found a store front downtown to use as an office, which is spacious, and brings in the sounds of passing trains quite often.

and, it provides extra space for the neighboring restaurant. there are newly built walls into our office with a window between us and the patrons of the restaurant.

high class.

everybody loves the sound of the train

except when it's right outside the door. then it's loud and not
as charming. or when you're on the phone and it comes rumbling down.

literally.

we moved out of the film office in the super8 motel room and rented an old store front on main street. it just so happens that the train tracks go down main street.

oh, the fun.

and last night there was a mutiny. i stepped outside. it was...interesting.

1st & last

the perfect job should be, above all things, delicious.

Tobacco Dip Taste Test

I have a 2 visit tobacco dip taste test, that pays $75 on 2nd visit.
1st visit you pick up product & take home to try and fill out a questionnaire
2nd visit you turn in the completed questionnaire and receive $75 cash
to see if u qualify, email me the following: (note, if you do not supply all the info, I will delete your email and not call you)
1st & last name
age and gender
brand, flavor and what cut length or pouch user
MOST IMPORTANT: phone #

tempting...but i sure as hell won't tell a complete stranger that i'm a pouch user. my mother doesn't even know.

looks looking look

this sounds like the hardest way to make thirty bucks.

I'm making a short film (very short) that I believe will take an hour or so to shoot. You take home $30.00 for a very easy days work plus a small meal.
I need either a man or woman who looks between 18 to 22 years old and is androgynous looking.
Examples of the look I'm trying to find:
* Pee Wee Herman
* Bjorn Andresen
* Justin Bieber
* Leif Garret
* Tim Curry
* Bill Kaulitz (Tokio Hotel)
* Chris Crocker
This role requires no acting ability, only a willingness to peform some very modest stuntwork so please only people with no back problems or recent surgeries need apply.

on second thought, i'll do anything for a small meal.

you'll be fine

we're searching for the perfect location here in good ol' film country. it must be an unoccupied farmhouse on lots of wild land with an old tobacco barn close at hand. easy as a wink.

spotted by one of the trusty folk working on the film, we found some old houses, completely empty, and only had to go to the county clerk to find out the owner...which prompted this email from the producer:

If you could stop by the home of [the property owners] and tell them we'd like to be in touch with them and tell them as much about the project as you like & get some information.. I'll give them a call if you can get a number. thank you!!!!!!!!

i was to go out and approach some unsuspecting people and inform them i knew they owned some property and that we wanted to use it for a film. good times.

they did not live on the property, so i had to search for the home in town. i found the street and there were tons of newly built neighborhoods all over the place and i couldn't find their address for anything. i drove back and forth on this street until i finally saw that the little dirt path in a clump of trees was actually a driveway - and the driveway i was searching for.

i took a breath and figured that the film would compensate me for any bullet holes i acquired on the job, and drove down a long, narrow, dirty and gravelly driveway to find...a caboose, a house with a golf cart secured onto the front porch, seven garages of various sizes, hanging art, and flowers.

so, of course, i got out of the car and headed for what i felt was the front door. i knocked once. nothing stirred. and i promptly returned to my car.

i drove to a near walgreens and wrote out a note, attempting to seem casual and not at all psychotic, and drove back and slipped it in their mailbox which sat safely on the side of the road.

i informed the producer of my quest and he wrote back:

thaaanks could you circle back there at the end of the day? or is it too far from you?

i explained to him that distance was not the issue, but that i felt extremely uncomfortable returning, since these people seemed to live off the grid (even though they were feet from neighboring yards). he understood and went out himself...

i haven't heard from him since.

here i am, on the road again

actually, i'm not on the road, but will soon be.

i'm working on another film, but this one is much smaller in scope than the last and so far i've mostly been working with the producer and director, who are both amazing.

we haven't found a location yet, but we're looking for a farmhouse, which means outside of town - and hoping it's close enough to be able to come home after shooting everyday...but who knows.

other than that, life goes on, school is still fun, and i have spider bites.

night moves

it's almost midnight.

we're almost done with our first location.

but not yet.

and then we get to move.

to the next location.

to a bar. an actual bar. with drinking patrons.

downtown.

in the rain.

where 15 (drunk) extras wait for our arrival.

and then the cops arrived

actually, it was a sheriff's deputy.

he showed up on set looking for a guy on crew.

to give him paperwork. or maybe a warrant. not sure. but it didn't stop filming, which is all any of us care about.

fun morning.

grand central station

we set up an 'office' at every film location. it usually consists of three or four of us hunkered down at our laptops. we keep on working so the film can keep on filming, and we take whatever setup we can get.

so far, we've been on a picnic table under a tree, in an auditorium with the cast of 'hairspray' rehearsing behind us, in a board room flush with furniture from 1987, an empty store in a strip mall, the upstairs private dining room at a country club, and an out-of-business furniture showroom.

today, we're in a quiet, cool room with four large, round tables with white tablecloths and white chairs. it's called the 'terrace room' and as offices go, this one is pretty nice, except that, for some reason it's become the hot spot for activity.

it began this morning when the women's tennis team at the club decided to have their 'after match snack wrap' in this room since we were filming on their patio. they were sweet and talked about lots things like the olympics in beijing and salmonella poisoning. then one of the girls playing a stripper came in because she needed a good place to do her yoga. she stretched in a couple corners, but found the best place to be right inside the door. one of the grips decided to play some upbeat, jaunty songs on the piano. one of the actors fell asleep on a love seat, snoring loudly. i walked back in from lunch to find lights set up so that another actor could film an audition, but it took longer than he intended because the snoring kept interrupting him.

really, it's like any other office.

paranoia strikes deep in the heartland

i didn't sleep last night. i tried reading, watching tv (two and a half men), reading a book on kindle, taking a shower, closing my eyes, journaling, and crying.

the reason for my insomnia might be that i had too much sugar and no actual dinner.

or it might be that, as i was leaving the set, one member of the crew said something to me that made me terrified that the entire cast and crew hated me and i would never work again and that i had completely done something wrong that i would forever be blacklisted.

what, you ask, was the conversation that gave me such pain and anxiety? it was thus:

me: okay, i'm headin out. see you at 9 tomorrow.
crew member: 8.
me: 8? but the schedule -
crew member: you know what? get there when you want. whatever.

i left in tears.

this morning i approached this person and asked if there was an issue with my arrival time for the past two weeks. he looked a) confused at my approach, and b) terrified of the crazy in my eyes. he said he was just tired the night before and didn't even remember the conversation, but he certainly didn't mean anything.

so...

clearly, stress, lack of sleep, and an insane schedule has had no affect on me.

the inevitable

last night, amid the chaos of the continuity collapse and the world ending, the production designer approached me and asked if i had ever received photos of the lead actor as a child. i had not. nor did i realize that it was my responsibility more than sending out emails to him to ask.

so this morning, the director came to me and asked to talk and questioned i wasn't on top of this. i almost cried. i was frozen in a non-answer.

and then i attempted to fix the situation.

but seriously, it's inevitable. whenever fifty people are working insane hours for an insane amount of days on end, it's inevitable that something goes wrong. and it's inevitable that it's your fault at some point.

and this morning it was mine.

tension and fun

late last night, it was realized that a scene shot earlier in the day was completely out of sequence, costume-wise. which means we have to reshoot.

it was crazy. and quiet and angry whispering and grabbing of notebooks and exhausted 'thank you's' to the people still in the dark to the entire thing.

...funny thing - it upset the cast and crew more than the fact that a human being in the cast had to be rushed to the emergency room earlier that day.

she's a lady

the lady cop is back. wearing riding pants and boots.

?

at lunch

an actor went to the hospital. chest pain. maybe. emergency, or close to it. there's strange, quiet tension. don't know who knows about it and who doesn't.

but someone just came in and asked if we wanted anything from starbucks.

and i decided to write about it.

breffst

the actor's mother took pictures of the provided breakfast this morning to prove to everyone (who happened to be enjoying the same breakfast) that the meal sucked and was reason enough for them to leave and get food at the mac-donald's.

slam

i have hit a wall.

mid-production slump. and i can barely keep myself going.

yesterday i had the shortest work day in a month. it was only twelve hours.

...only a week and a half to go and then i will drop.

she be crazy

there's a 'lady cop' who keeps coming around. sometimes in uniform. sometimes not. today, i walked outside and found her passed out on the ground. twenty feet away from where we were filming.

um...

i'm on set today. at a table. laptop in front of me.

and because of the chance of rain, the 'office' has moved into the auditorium at the community center where we're shooting.

it just so happens that
this auditorium houses a theatre.
this theatre puts on shows.
these shows need to rehearse.
they're having rehearsal right now.
for a musical.
that musical is 'hairspray.'
and they like to sing.
behind us.
mere feet away.
with a piano.
and repeat their songs over.
and over again.
and again.
and again.


and again.

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

tomorrow is the biggest day of the shoot - about 150 people including actors, crew, and background. we're on a site that only six of us have seen. we can't bring people by tonight for a walk-thru because there's an event going on. and somehow we have to make tomorrow go smoothly to keep up with the proposed schedule.

in theory, we have to be completely theoretical with the planning.

but right now, my only focus is getting through tomorrow. we have over two weeks left on this shoot, but just get me through tomorrow and life will be okay.

all our pain

i think this morning was an over-reaction by everyone involved. i'm embarrassed that i cried, but grateful that i was alone in the office and only one person witnessed it over the phone.

and i've somehow hit the wall where the idea of working or accomplishing anything seems like the most overwhelming task and really, all i want to do is nap. i've been working like mad, but somehow it now takes me ages to do anything.

only two and a half more weeks. and then, "we shall rest. i have faith, uncle, fervent, passionate faith. we shall rest. we shall rest. we shall hear the angels. we shall see heaven shining like a jewel. we shall see evil and all our pain disappear in the great pity that shall enfold the world. our life will be as peaceful and gentle and sweet as a caress. i have faith; i have faith. my poor, poor uncle vanya, you are crying! you have never known what it is to be happy, but wait, uncle vanya, wait! we shall rest. we shall rest. we shall rest." - uncle vanya

... i'm sunburnt.

and the tears started

this is a small film that has grown exponentially. the budget, though, has not grown, so many of us are wearing many many hats and trying to figure out how to a) keep the balls in the air, and b) mix metaphors well.

this morning, i am finding out that i'm not doing a stellar job as a location manager. very true. why? because i've never been a location manager before, am rarely on set when i'm in production, couldn't pick out a lens cap out of a box saucers, and am completely overwhelmed. one thing i have done well, or so i thought, was tell people that i have never been a location manager and don't know what to do, what questions to ask, or in any way have the answers needed when we bombard these sweet people who have no idea what's about to hit them.

long story short (story not included), i'm in stressed out hell for still not knowing what i'm supposed to be doing and just had a tearful fight over the phone with a crew member because i didn't have all the answers.

because i'm grown up and here and working hard and haven't slept in over a month and today i find out that i know nothing about something i never knew about.

completely unexpected

a TENNIS ball flew and hit the camera, breaking a filter and scratching the lens.

to catch you up

so much has happened in merely a few days...

-the lead actor didn't answer his door when the car was there to pick him up to take him to the airport - but then he did. he was in the shower.
-the actor and his mother ended up flying - i found this out when i emailed to ask about their eta and they said they were on standby in chicago and would be in town in about two hours
-the actor and his mother arrived sans cat
-a dog did arrive, though. one of the actors' girlfriends flew in for the night and brought her dachshund to set
-i had to drive an actor to whole foods and he kept asking me to smell the cheeses with him
-the costume designer approached me this morning to ask how easy it would be for him to "ease out of the film"
-we have a brand that is angry at us and the costume designer has their products throughout even though we don't have clearance to use it
-the actor and his mother have requested to change to a 'nice hotel' because of the 'bed-bug epidemic that's sweeping the east coast.'...we're not on the coast.
-the production designer had accepted the fact that the film did not have all the tennis rackets required for the TENNIS movie and called the director to tell him
-the director forgot to tell everyone that the reason people were cast was because they had their own tennis gear (problem solved)
-this morning, the script supervisor and the first ad and i all commiserated about being in tears and feeling crazy when we got home last night
-a puppy-like pa volunteered to make all the copies of the script for the reading, and we realized an hour before that the scripts were copied at an angle, missing pages, blurry, and out of order
-as of this morning (second day of shooting) we still had two roles not yet cast, which are in scenes to be shot today...know anyone who wants to play a stripper who doesn't speak?
-one actor informed us that he doesn't eat eggs. previously unknown. funny since it was the night before he had a scene where he had to eat a great deal of EGG fu yong. (yes, i emailed everyone in this scene and asked about allergies, food issues, etc. somehow the egg thing never came up)
-the actor's mother made the second ad put the umbrella on the call sheet so there was no issue about it actually getting to set
-i'm sitting about a hundred feet from set, inside in air conditioning. feel very nicely removed from it all
-i also became in charge of casting, as of two hours ago

worth your weight

the director asked if the production could trade in one of the producers for a new copier. since one would be more help to us than the other.

he was serious.

flames on the side of my face

we had a walk-through of one of the locations this morning, and because we are trying to be green and good and smart, we carpooled - which somehow made the world collapse.

we realized in the parking lot of the first location, after standing around and pointing at parking lots and bathrooms and tables and porches, that it was time to leave and...that all of use had to go to a different destination.

hilarious.

i ended up first, driving down an old road with the director, and then, following another car to a second location only to find out that one of the cars made an unscheduled trip back to the office (which is where i needed to go).

so, it only took five hours for me to get back to the office and have a slight meltdown.

but it's the weekend. and i'm sitting here terrified and anxious that all the flights are going to be wrong, that everyone will be pissed, and the film will be ruined because of me.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnn

sunshine

today...

-the producer flew off to europe for a family wedding. he will not have access to phone or email.

-we replaced the lead (finally)

-a young man showed up at the door. no one knew how he found out where the office was. one of the producers said he's gotten in trouble for sexual misconduct before...so we gave him a job.

-two friends have called to warn me of the impending death ray of a tornado bound to sweep through our land.

the perfect umbrella

just got an email from the woman (mother of an actor) who's bringing the cat...this is in response to the costume designer asking if he could dye his hair dark for the role.

We have 6-A and 5-N, they look black on his hair...please tell the costume designer though that he does NOT look good with these colors; they look pretty bad because of his paler skin. It's ammonia--free which is the most important thing for his hair.

p.s. - He will need to hold an umbrella over himself the entire time except when actually shooting. Please order a UVA/UVB umbrella to block him from the sun. We don't have any room in the car and we will not receive it on time before we leave either. Here's the perfect umbrella for him. http://www.amazon.com/Doctor-Recommended-Umbrellas-Rating-protection/product-reviews/B002XI4H0Q/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1 ...Also, please use a stand-in when blocking scenes of course.

He has 'infant-like" skin now that is not supposed to be exposed to any sun. He will have 100 SPF sunscreen on, but he really need to be kept in the shade. Hopefully, the director is not shooting in too much direct sunlight [it's a movie about tennis] or at least using those white canopy tarps when shooting...It's very easy, he just constantly holds the umbrella over him until they start rolling film.

no stress

we just lost our lead actor.

no explanation yet.

might not ever come.

but he's gone.

sink those hooks

casting is pretty much finished, which is a very good thing since we start shooting in a week, but i woke up this morning and saw that i received an email from a gentleman who lives about an hour away who's interested in auditioning.

my first thought was wondering how he got my email, but then i didn't care. my second thought was thinking that we weren't looking for anyone else so i would just skip the email and move on. my third thought was, 'what the fuck?' because it really felt surreal to read at 6:36 in the am.

I am an upper extremity double amputee (no hands) whose acting career was cut short twenty years ago...I am now eager to return to my craft... and want to sink my hooks into some juicy roles.

and a cat

fun things today:

-one actor can't be here because he wants to go to a concert
-another actor wants a day off to go to prom in philadelphia (we do not live in philadelphia)
-one actor is bringing his mother
-the ingenue wears a 34D
-the young actor, who is 17, who is bringing his mother...has just informed us that they are also bringing a cat
-one actor wants to come in on a later flight (that was already approved), which turns out to be a $600 difference

thinks that's it for now...

food allergies

i really have no room to talk because i have a high sensitivity to wheat, but...

here's what's up.

there's a scene in this picture show where two teams of five (10 total) have an eating contest. i contacted those in the scene to find out if there were any food allergies that we had to be aware of before going into production - this is the list i got from 8 so far - still waiting on the last two:

dairy allergy
nut allergy
allergic to avocados
dislike of shellfish and anchovies
semi-allergy of chocolate
great dislike of bell peppers
allergic to cashews
and

"i don't eat anything i haven't tried before"

pre-pro

i've been in charge of travel for all these actors comin for the film and yesterday i get a phone call from one such actor who says, 'hey, i didn't know i'd be going down there on the 29th, cause i have a concert to go to on the 31st. can't i come on the 1st?' - the 1st that he speaks of is our first day of shooting.

but that was simply something to work out.

late last night, i finally get an email back from an agent of one of the actors that i've been trying to reach regarding travel, and at the end of the email, he wrote 'I presume this includes his mother as well as he is still a minor with legal 18 status.'

and then i laughed uncontrollably for five minutes.

relaxtion

RELAXTION SPECIALISTS

IN NEED OF RELAXATION SPECIALISTS.
PLEASE REPLY IN EMAIL YOUR PICTURE AND YOUR PHONE NUMBER
MUST RECEIVE PICTURE
I WILL CALL TO SCHEDULE INTERVIEWS
PLEASE ALSO LIST ANY EXPERIENCE AND POSSIBLE WORK SCHEDULE

i think someone needs to relax.

complete garbage

i'm working on a film to be shot this summer and i'm in charge of posting the audition notices - so i went to my trusty ol' craigslist and the first email i received was from a lovely gentleman, who wrote:

this movie sounds like the worst movie ever...
you should just not make it..
if you ever start making a movie that isn't complete garbage let me know

and i will let him know. he seems really fun to work with.

flush

i am not a fan of potty humor, but that being said...

this morning, just before i headed out to teach in the one room schoolhouse, i got a voicemail from the youngest daughter,

'hi laura, it's k. um, our septic tank isn't working so please stop at the mcdonald's before you get here.'

click.

one of the best messages i've ever received.

two down...

this past friday, i turned in the last of my work for the semester. 88 pages of a 'finished' script that had, by most accounts, a happy ending. it's done. finally. i grew to hate that script with a passion and didn't want to think about it or care about it, but when i finally got to the end, i found myself strangely connected to it. who knows.

since then, i've been cleaning like crazy. it's probably four or five times a year that i clean and scrub and wash every nook and cranny in this place. it's very small, but packed in like a storage facility, which makes cleaning difficult at times. but it feels good. radio on. wearing my mom's disposable surgical gloves, an old sweatshirt and shorts, cleanin away.

i finished the kitchen, living room, and bathroom yesterday. today, i'm working on the bedroom and dining room/office/laundry/ storage/linen closet. and after cleaning, i'm going to organize my file cabinet.

- this is why i love rainy weekends.

and then, when everything is in its place, i'll finish the schedule breakdown for the film.

but in the back of my mind, i know must start on thinking about what to write for next semester. i believe i shall attempt to write a comedy.

the brunette

Ernestine Jane Geraldine Russell,

the incomparable

Jane Russell,

died yesterday.

06/21/1921 - 02/28/2011

cuttin' up

i got to the schoolhouse this past thursday and waved to j and his dad as i made my way up the stone path.

once inside, k asked if i saw the big ol' hog. and, of course, she was referring to the 'big ol' hog' j and his dad were presently butchering when i strolled along.

um, no. i did not see it.

somehow during class, i forgot about this activity going on mere feet away. but, no worries, i was quickly reminded of it when i stepped onto the porch to go inside the house for lunch, and there, right before my eyes, was a butchered hog. piles of fat, legs, and meat. right there in front of me. slabs and fat and pork. and bone. no head, though. or feet. just big ol' hunks o' hog.

we had soup that day for lunch. bean soup. very good.

mama mia, here i go again

heading to my grad assistantship gig this morning, i heard the regular annoying banter from the dj's on the morning show. and for some reason i kept listening.


come to find out, they were interviewing two of the leads of the touring company for 'mama mia.' and one of them just happened to be a guy i worked with way back in regional theatre, some 48 years ago. i really only remember that a) he was always really really really chipper and b) his name is 'happy.'


i didn't know him well. certainly not well enough to contact him to say, 'hey, you're in my home town touring a broadway show and i'm here because i live here and have seventeen jobs and am not completely sure what i'm doing with my life.'


it was just one of those moments when i reevaluated everything going on in my life and everything i'm working towards. and it's not like i want his life or career. sure, touring a broadway show sounds fun and, hey, living the highlife from the fame of a national olive garden commercial is probably pretty sweet (yes, he's in an olive garden commercial), but i think i'm okay.


i still like my life, even if i'm not always happy.

team player

it's sometimes difficult to admit, but i'm rarely taken very seriously.

so it came as a bit of a surprise when my sweet friend asked me to be on her birthing team (as a shortstop). she's pregnant with her second child and will have her husband and a dhoula in the room with her, and she's asked for me and another friend as well.

when she asked me i was completely honored and elated and bragged to a few friends...and then read the 'birth in a nutshell' chapter in a book she lent me.

ummm, that shit sounds crazy.

i don't know why it shocked me so much considering i've thought of being a midwife or dhoula before. but, it fell in the same category as being a bush pilot in east africa, or a school marm in a one room schoolhouse (oh, wait).

but i said yes and i'm going to do it with ghusto.

she said she asked me because she and her husband see me as both calming and funny, which i take as the highest compliment. but, in all honesty, me and my antics get pretty annoying pretty fast when birth is on the line.

no worries. we came up with a safety word. if anyone in the room says it, i am to quietly take my leave.

the word, you ask?

zucchini plant.

still not sure

the great opportunity came down the pike yesterday... i think.

to catch you up:

while at sundance, i made it a priority to see as many films connected to my lil' ol' hometown as possible (surprisingly, there were a few). but, as it turned out, i only got a chance to see one.

the connection with this film, you ask? well, the producer of this film works in the same company as a man who owns a production company that has both an office here and in fancy nyc. realizing that the chick was in nyc, i decided to write the main guy.

i emailed him and asked if i could sit down and ask him some questions. he said sure, and in the meantime, he asked me to read a script. i read it once and then decided to take notes since i really had no idea why this person asked me to read a script.

anyhoo, i met with him yesterday and i'm not sure if it went well or not. i got there and we walked back to his office, past working people who looked very important. part of me felt like a student on a field trip pretending to be an adult and the other part of me felt like an adult - until i took off my jacket. i took it off to sit down, but it kept tugging at my back and i realized that the ripped lining was stuck to the back of my jeans (yes, i wore jeans because these are hip film people). i pulled the strands of the lining out and tore another piece and finally sat down. i did this, though, with the highest sense of professionalism and I'm sure he didn't notice a thing.

he asked me how i liked the script and i said it was funny (i did actually laugh out loud a few times), and then he asked me who set up this meeting. this confused the hell out of me because it was just me writing him out of the blue. it wasn't that big of a deal, but it led to about five minutes of 'who do we both know in town?' it's a fun game that's played regularly here.

i peppered him with questions that i'd prepared and then, seemingly out of nowhere, he said, 'so, you've done some line producing before?' and he said it like we were already talking about being a line producer, which we were not. i said that yes, i had worn almost every hat in terms of producing (which is a slight lie, but who really cares) and from that i asked him about production on the script he sent me. he said there were only a few locations and the late-blooming over-achiever that i am said, 'three main locations and nine minor.' he stared for a quiet moment and i timidly said that i'd written down the locations and characters when i read through the script.

i asked him if he had any actors in mind and he mentioned one actor he liked and i said, 'oh, yeah, for the part of XXX.' (i don't know why i said it with such confidence because it's not the main role and i could have said anything.) but he said, 'yeah. yeah, that's the part i thought - do you know who i'm talking about?' and i did because the only information i retain is actors.

okay, this is when it kind of got crazy (the term 'crazy' being used loosely). he asked me to email him my notes, which intimidated me because it's just a list of locations and characters. and then he asked me if i would be interested in putting together a budget for the film.

ummmmmmmm....yeah, no problem.

i kind of laughed and said, 'what if i email it to you and you say, "this chick doesn't even know what a budget is," and he responded with, "i could send you some budgets we've used on other films."

so i think the meeting went well, but now i have homework doing something that i, in so many words, told someone i know how to do. but in reality i kind of don't know how to do.

please understand that i am aware of the opportunity and am trying to take advantage of as much as possible, but i'm also terrified that this will pretty much prove that the emperor has no clothes.

not that i'm an emperor...

prominent nose is preferred

hear that?

Steve Martin Lookalike

Need an actor bearing a STRONG resemblance to Steve Martin to sit for a photograph. While a caucasian male, age 50-70, with grey hair and a prominent nose is preferred, we will consider anyone bearing a very strong resemblance. Compensation will be very good depending on the resemblance...

that's opportunity knockin.

stay consistent in your work ethic, lazy people

he/she sounds like a joy to work for (if you are teachable!):

Assistant

If you are ambitious, motivated and teachable, I will train you personally to make a comfortable income, and all you need is to be willing to follow instruction to the detail, and stay consistent in your work ethic, lazy people move on because I do not have time for your excuses!

If you are interested in starting right away, then email your name,number, and best time to call when you are in front of a computer with about 10min. free so I can qualify you over the phone, thank you for your time!

one thing you will be taught is the art of the run-on sentence.

not sure yet

as it happens, i have had a lot of luck in my life with writing letters. usually the letters are as simple as, 'i like what you do and want to meet you' and holy hell, a door opens.

well, something might be coming down the pike because of one such letter.

i shall let you know soon.

ruthann r.i.p.

i'm sorry to say that ruthann has passed away. i haven't buried her yet. she still sits in the front of the house, which makes me feel pretty and not at all white trash.

i know she would want me to move on, so i have begun my search. what i'm looking for is simple - something i can buy that's worth much more than i pay and something reliable that will get me through the next few years - at least until i graduate.

the problem i face is my choices are quite limited. one good thing is that (as i recently found out) mama has some good credit. but the possibly bigger problem is that i have a difficult time proving my income. it's not that i don't work, it's simply that i can't really prove it when it comes to forms and all that junk.

at the moment, my occupation is as follows:

theatre reviews (ain't enough to show anything)

babysitting (no check stub)

bookkeeping (ironically, same problem as babysitting)

teaching (i get paid with a $20 bill on my dash every once in a while.)

prank phone calls (not legally allowed to talk about and they do not put ytd on the check stub)

graduate assistant (one day a week and it goes towards school. mama don't get no check.)

so here i sit without a working auto-car.

in the meantime, please say your prayers for dear ruthann. she's been a good friend these past many years. a very good friend indeed.

sun dance

getting into sundance is probably the most notable thing on my resume. it's a huge bragging point for my family and friends. and i have to say, in the brief moments between shock and confusion, it definitely gives me a sense of pride.

that being said,

upon arriving in the beautiful state of utah, i realized quite quickly that no one gives a good gosh darn who the co-producer of a short film is.

humility is a wonderful thing. it gave me perspective. so i spent my brief time there observing and being inspired.

(and i saw a documentary about the national film registry in the library of congress that made me cry. hysterically.)